I got a notice from my Outlook program this morning, as I do every Thursday morning. It said "blog about something." Most Thursdays, I just dismiss it and move on with the 8,000 other things I need to do while Noelle is in school. I'm in a "getting things done" mood today, though, so here we go!
Currently Evan is talking in his crib. He's supposed to be napping. Soon he will start to cry, and I'll have to go in there and check his diaper, maybe rock him a bit, convince him to give in to sleep. He was up many times last night screaming, we aren't sure why. He's been doing pretty well with sleep lately, so this was unusual, and we are TIRED today.
Evan is into everything. I feel like all I do is divert him from one thing he shouldn't play with to another, on and on all day. Let's get off the table, Evan. It's dangerous to stand on that overturned bin, Evan. We need to keep the cover on the speaker, Evan. You can't fit behind the couch anymore, Evan, you're going to get stuck. Those are daddy's books, Evan. Leave the lamp plugged in. Don't pull the phone off the shelf! How in the world are you pushing that gate in? Be careful, you're going to break that - again! Please don't turn off the tv. You won't be able to open that closet anymore, Evan, we put a hook and eye on top! Leave Noelle alone, she's in time out. Be gentle with Nacho, please!
Noelle seems to be going through another one of her 15 year old phases. Sassy, argumentative, eye rolling, independent, high drama, and more! The other day she started to hit Evan, then Evan hit her, then she gave him a dirty look, and he gave her one back. I told her "if you don't like what Evan is doing, take a look at yourself, because he's learning it from you." I don't want to say that to myself, but I know it's true about Noelle and me also.
I'm going through a Bible Study at church called Gospel Transformation, and it's both killing me and giving me life. You have to realize what a wretch you are to understand how incredible God is. We first learned about the darkness in our hearts, now we are moving on to how God changes us, mostly through repentance. When I think of repentance, I think of embarrassment, defensiveness, excuses, apologizing for the consequences but not for my sinful self. I'm sorry that you were hurt. Not I'm sorry that I am selfish and judgmental, please forgive me and pray with me. Repentance, though, is God's key to change. It is how he has it set up to give us a new heart, and to bless us. Without true repentance, acknowledging and turning away, we will not unleash the Spirit's power to change us.
So I'm sorry that I am sassy, argumentative, eye rolling, independent, high drama, and more! Forgive me, Noelle, let's pray together for God to change mommy's heart.
Just as I predicted, Evan's started the waterworks. Here we go!