I really like cherries. They only come around for a short time, and they are crazy expensive as fruit goes, but they are so good! I never used to buy them, but for the third year in a row I will allow myself to buy as many as I want while they are in season. Two years ago on this day, we lost our daughter Charlotte at 19 weeks of pregnancy. We went in for a routine ultrasound and discovered that she had died, and after a short induction and labor, we held our tiny baby and said hello and goodbye all in just a few minutes time. In my grief, enjoying cherries comforted my soul just a tiny bit, and now when I see them come back to the grocery store I remember my little girl. Not that I need help to remember her, but it's nice to have something outside of myself that brings Charlotte to mind. It makes her that much more real to me, when sometimes it all seems like it was a dream. So for you, Charlotte, I will enjoy all I can of this special fruit while it lasts, because you taught me that it's important to enjoy the people and things you love while they are with you. I am quite sure that we will share a bowl of cherries when we see each other again in Heaven.

Today is also our wedding anniversary, six years ago today Andy and I got married! Which means that six years and 5 months ago we started dating! It all happened fast, too fast in the eyes of some (I'm talking to you, random woman at my bridal shower), but I think it's turned out pretty great. We have had our ups and downs, to be sure, some brought on by life, some by ourselves, but we are still learning and growing together in love. We enjoyed an anniversary dinner last night at a local restaurant called Watanabe, followed by a walk around 5 Points here in East Nashville. There are a lot of things that have changed about me since meeting Andy, one of which is my sense of adventure when it comes to food. Growing up I was convinced my mom was trying to make me eat alligator when she served salisbury steak, and while I still wouldn't eat alligator, I will try almost any non-meat food and like most of it. I am nowhere near as adventuresome as Andy would like, but I think he's proud of the way his tastes have rubbed off on me. Marriage has turned into a greater compromise in some areas than I think either of us ever thought it would be, but in that, we have both been stretched to truly expand and grow, and I know that I at least am better off for it.

May 31 will probably always be a bittersweet day, but I am grateful for both my daughter and my husband, both of whom will be in my life forever here and in eternity. Happy Birthday, Charlotte, and Happy Anniversary, Andy! I love you!

Happy Mother's Day!

We took some pictures in honor of the day, modeled after one we took of us with Noelle when she was one year old. It's hard to get a baby to look at the camera when it's on a timer with no one to call their attention. It's apparently also hard to get a 3 year old to look at the camera, even when M&M's are on the line. Oh well, that's a fine example of our life right now. You can try and try, but you just aren't going to get things to go exactly the way you want when you have kids in the mix. Maybe the kids are looking at the camera but they have crusted food on their mouths. Maybe your baby spits up carrots on your shirt right before the picture so it's darker in one area.

But that's all part of being a mother, right? We cannot do the job perfectly, we can only try, and ask God to help us do better tomorrow. One of my friends recently posted her Facebook status as "is ready for new mercies." I had to give an AMEN to that, because some days I really feel like I have utterly failed as a mother. Like Thursday, when Noelle was holding a ceramic potted paper flower she (her teachers) had made for me at school that day. She had pulled all the moss off the top and threw it around my car, and I was angry that she destroyed yet another craft project and made a mess of my car. I yelled, "If you don't care about it, neither do I!" and threw it onto the carport floor, shattering the pot. Awesome motherhood moment. And yet later that day, I said to Noelle, "sometimes I'm not a very good Mommy," and she sort of laughed and said, "yes you are!" New mercies, and I didn't even have to wait until morning.

Being a mom has provided many opportunities for me to partake of God's mercy, and I am so thankful it is always there! I can only pray that as I lean deeper into relationship with Jesus, my children see more of Him and less of me in the way I parent. I am happy to be a mother, and I am full of joy because I am a mother that is a child of God. I have access to all the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control I will ever need in a day, and I only have to ask my Father. May I remember that the next time my buttons threaten to be pushed by my children. Which is right now, Evan is crying and Noelle keeps getting out of bed! Lord, help me!

This week I will be turning 30, and for the first time ever, Andy and I will be in the same decade. He was 31 when we got married almost 6 years ago. He asked me how I felt about turning 30, and I said I may feel differently after the fact, but right now I don't think it means much to me. Most of my friends are older than me, many more than 5 years older, so in some ways I think how am I not already 30? I have always related to people older than me a little bit better. I almost made the decision to graduate high school early and head on to college, but I decided instead to have the easiest senior year ever. I had 3 classes - Choir, Spanish, and Child Care (we ran a preschool). Then I left before lunch and headed to a job at a K-6 school as a teacher's assistant.

So this is my birthday week, plus we're having dinner with friends tomorrow night, and next week Andy has a conference in Minnesota and I will be taking the kids on a trip to Illinois. Prayers requested for our journey, although my amazing mother is going to meet us about half way and make the remainder of our 8 hour drive with us. The DVD player (and hopefully naps!) will be my companion for the first 4. I forgot about this trip when we picked our 10 meals for the next 2 weeks, but we will just roll over whatever we don't get around to.

Our meals for the next two weeks:

Massaman Curry with Spring Rolls (the spring rolls are from our freezer stash)

Tortilla Pizza and carrot sticks, using leftover italian beef from last week

Crockpot Black Bean Soup with homemade tortilla chips and salsa

Pasta Primavera with salad

Egg Salad


And the following week:

Tuscan Pork Chops with roasted potatoes

Taco Salad

Nacho Chicken and Rice Wraps with black beans (double and freeze)

Kielbasa, green beans and potatoes (literally just chop them all up and throw in a pot on the stove with some seasonings and sometimes syrup)

Baked Potatoes